Last night I was suddenly smacked upside in the head by a terrible headache. It was awful. I woke up from a nap, felt something developing, and then by dinnertime, my head was ready to explode. I don’t think I would like to have my head explode. I kind of like my head. Anyways, while trying to sleep to make my headache go away, I was trying to think of what to write for today. I decided that I would write a scathing letter to my headache. Which… I think is named George? I forget. My friend named my headache for me once.
Dear Migraine-esque Headache whom I think is named George,
I don’t like you. You’re a terrible non-friend, and I really, really dislike it when you attack me suddenly without warning as you did yesterday. Normally, you give me an entire’s day notice before you begin your onslaught, but yesterday was unforgivable! I thought I had a few more hours at least before you would develop your full frontal attack, but no. You didn’t. In fact, it was more like a rampage through my head that was completely unwarranted.
I mean, really, George. Can’t we sit down at the negotiation table and have some discussion, instead? This kind of ambushing is completely unnecessary. I’m a perfectly reasonable person and am willing to concede when I think your demands would be justified. There’s no need for this un-gentleman-like behavior. Your mother ought to have taught you better.
And what did that blitzkrieg win you, anyway? All it made me do was go to sleep. And then I got a lot of sleep. And you had to go away, hanging your head down in defeat. See? You got nothing. That offensive that you initiated–nothing gained. And when have you ever gained anything from attacking me, anyways, right? This is why I think it would make much more sense for you to stop all this nonsense.
I would like to extend to you the warm hand of friendship. If you would like to take me up on this offer, you know where to find me. I am in high hopes that we will be the best of friends.