My Non-Pirate-y Neighbors


I have some rowdy neighbors. From what I can tell, it seems like a bunch of guys and possibly one girl. Somewhere between four to five people live together in a two bedroom, two bath apartment. Not that it bothers me, but it seems like it might get a little cramped in there. But who knows?

I’ve speculated a few things about them in the past. Maybe they’re a troupe of grown siblings who just adore each other and want to live together. Well, that one wouldn’t work too well, because most of them are one race, and one of them is another. Unless they’re an adopted troupe of siblings? That’s quite possible. Maybe they’re college students who are too poor to be able to afford their own bedroom and they’re all BFF’s so they decided to room together to save up on the cost. But they all look like they work. At least of the three people that I’ve seen of the possibly four or five. But maybe they’re working college students? My last speculation is that maybe they’re a band of swashbuckling pirates. That’s probably it. Except, if it were true, I’m kind of disappointed in their swashbuckling-ness.

I mean, at least they talk loudly and yell and stuff. That’s pirate-y, right? But there are too many points factoring against them. Here they are.

First of all, they are always yelling at their dog Sammie/Sammy (?) who is not a very pirate-y dog. He’s a little terrier (I think, but I’m not sure, looks a little like this from the few glances that I’ve got of him). His particular type of terrier (if he really is one) is not terrifying. They are small yappy dogs that would probably be stepped on by accident if they weren’t so yappy. At least, Sammie/Sammy seems to be that kind of dog. A real pirate dog would probably look more like this:

Sammie/Sammy is also really good at yapping. The other thing is that Sammie/Sammy for some reason always needs to be told to use the restroom. I constantly hear my neighbors yelling, “Sammie/Sammy go pee! Come on Sammie/Sammy! Go pee!” Sometimes it’s several times a day (good thing I’m not home most days). I actually think that they have two dogs that don’t seem to like each other, because sometimes it sounds like they’re yelling a different name, but I’m not so sure. Either way, Sammie/Sammy gets yelled at a lot. Andy always tells me to throw food to Sammie/Sammy, for some reason. As of yet, I have not done so.

Second of all, they watch a lot of TV/movies for pirates. Now, I’m not too sure about the after-work activities of pirates, but I was under the impression that they like to go for some grog (for an obviously accurate description of the ingredients of grog, you may go here), and stir up some drunken fights on the wharf. First of all, I don’t think they’re usually drunk (I’m actually rather glad that they aren’t), and second of all, we live quite a ways from the wharf. And they watch TV rather loudly an awful lot at night when they’re supposed to be in a drunken stupor. Good thing noise doesn’t bother me too much at night. Maybe they just fall asleep with it on. But it’s always off in the morning. I don’t know. I’m obviously not a pirate. But the case against them being pirates is just getting stronger and stronger.

Third of all, they certainly don’t swear like pirates. For example, tonight, as I was sitting by my window, I overheard two of them loudly arguing with each other about the shower. From what they were saying, their slightly heated discussion was about the shower, something about the shower being an hour long or an hour and a half long, and lots of the same curse word. Not once did they use the words scurvy, bilge rat, filthy, or other lingo commonly used by pirates. In fact, why would pirates be arguing about the shower anyways? Aren’t they smelly and filthy and stuff? And for a shower to be an hour long? That’s q-u-i-t-e long. Or even an hour and a half? I mean… did you die in there or something? Really?

Therefore, I have concluded that my neighbors are in fact, not a swashbuckling band of pirates. In fact, they’re not swashbuckling at all. And they’re definitely not pirates. Sigh. So disappointed. So very, very disappointed.

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