Here’s….. Maude!

Dear all,

I promise that I have not fallen off the face of the earth, nor have I been eaten by zombies while playing for team Plantz!, nor have I been kidnapped by a bunch of space invaders, nor have I joined some swashbuckling pirates to sail the seven seas (can you name them all?).  I’ve just been rather busy with… stuff. But here I am! I’m back and alive and kicking and stuff!

Anyways, without further ado, today, I’d like to introduce you all to Maude. I’m surprised that I didn’t really think up a name for Maude until pretty recently, but I think it’s quite fitting, and Maude rather likes the name. I’m sure of it, although she hasn’t said anything about it. (In the past I’ve referred to Maude as a monster, wild animal, or beast, so I think she likes the name Maude.) Maude has been with me for quite some time, and we’ve gone through thick and thin together (literally). We’ve argued, fought, made up, etc., etc., etc. Most of the time, though, she’s quite the rebellious one and really doesn’t care what I or other people think about her. She usually just wants to do her own thing. And she does. I guess we’re rather alike in that way.

So by now you all are wondering just exactly who Maude is. Well, I would like to begin by drawing yet another super accurate illustration of Maude and I together.

I think I might have to start drawing clothes on people pretty soon.

Yes, that is correct. I have named my hair Maude. Don’t tell me you’re surprised, after reading my nonsense for a month and a half that I have actually gone and named my hair. Well, you shouldn’t be surprised. I’m ashamed of you. (Not really.)

Anyways, I think it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of Maude, though not necessarily of myself.

If you will refer yourself to here, you will note that I have mentioned that curly hair runs in our family. At least for Jon and myself (because for Andy… well, I’m not sure it bothers him too much), we have to deal with craziness on top of our head all the time. And I’ve just happened to name my craziness Maude.

Maude has been going through her rebellious phase for several years. I think when I was younger, Maude didn’t really act up much. She was rather docile, although she would develop lots of knots and stuff. But once, when I was in seventh grade, my mom made me get my hair cut really, really short. And I don’t think Maude liked that too much.

This is what happened:

I think the haircut aroused Maude's inner pent up rage. She probably did something like this, "RAWRRRRWARARWRARARWRRRARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was quite a shock for myself as well as the rest of my family. Some of you may remember this stage of my life. Andy said it looked like my head blew up. All. The. Time. Like I said, Maude’s inner pent up rage was released. And she was not a happy camper. Ever since then, Maude has refused to be obedient, but rather has chosen to “return to the wild,” so to speak.

As a result, Maude and I basically have heated discussions every morning in my attempt to look presentable. When Maude was first awokened (not a word, I know), she was pretty much uncontrollable all the time. Now, in the recent years, I think we have come to some sort of understanding. Some days she listens better than others. When she is really rebellious, I simply have to resort to tying her up. I know that sounds inhumane, but really, I don’t want to go around scaring people with Maude in full-rage-mode. It’s kind of intimidating.

Oh, yeah, one more thing. Please don’t ask to shake Maude’s hand or anything, cause she doesn’t have hands. I think that’s rather obvious. You should never try to shake someone’s hand when they don’t have hands. That’s just downright rude.

Regardless of how you get introduced, I’m sure she’s pleased to meet you, though, even if she will deny it (you know how rebellious kids are).

One thought on “Here’s….. Maude!

  1. Pingback: Maude Adjustments | Life's Homilies

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