Hairy Plants Can Save the World!


Today, while looking up some stuff about hair, and stuff related to it ::ahem::, I came across a really interesting part of an article. Okay, it’s not even an entire article, but you have to subscribe to read the rest of it, and I don’t feel science-y enough today to subscribe to this science e-magazine that I would have to pay for just to read the rest of this article. So… I’m just going to make a bunch of stuff up. Huzzah!

The title of this article reads as follows:

Super-hairy plants could battle global warming

This is obviously a big deal. I mean, global warming is a serious issue here. Captain of the Planet and his planeteers (are you one?) have been fighting this super-enemy-final-boss-status-bad-guy for years! Even with their powers combined, they still haven’t beaten him! Obviously, this is a heavy duty issue here. Maybe the super-hairy plants team up with Captain of the Planet to finally defeat global warming and put his nasty rule to an end! Maybe. Ooh! And maybe Captain of the Planet’s green hair is actually a super-hairy plant that also helps battle global warming!

So, super-hairy plants could help in this epic struggle against global warming! I don’t really know the science behind it (mainly cause I haven’t read the article at all, just a few sentences), but from what I gather it has something to do with them being super reflective and can reflect the sun’s heat and thereby cool the area that they’re planted in and help prevent the glaciers from melting and causing us all to have to live in a waterworld! That would be a problem. Because then we’d all have to be carrying around strange glass vials and tubes and stuff to make drinkable water, have to live on rafts or floating cities, and some of us would mutate into semi-fish to go into what used to be land in order to scavenge for things to help us live, and we’d all be fighting pirates that go around in jet skis, all the while looking for a mysterious place called Dryland, but nobody knows where land is, but it probably is what used to be Mt. Everest but has developed to look like something a little like Hawaii. (So… I’ve been to Sea World (Andy told me it was actually Universal Studios and so my memory fails me yet again.) a lot as a kid, and we always without failed watched this show. And that was a run-on sentence if there ever has been one.)

So anyways, it’s a really good idea to fight global warming. And super-hairy plants could help!

I would further like to elaborate that it’s not simply hairy plants, but super-hairy plants. I’m not sure what the difference is, because while I believe I have seen hairy plants before, I’m not sure what the distinction between hairy and super-hairy is. It seems to me that the plants that I’ve seen are probably not fully super-hairy, though they are somewhat covered in hair that makes it look like they have peach fuzz all over them. But according to my detailed research on Google images, there doesn’t seem to be too much of a difference though there probably is an important one because otherwise, why would these obviously really smart scientists use “super-hairy” as opposed to just plain ole’ “hairy?”

I’m not sure if super-hairy would mean, like, they have really curly uncontrolled hair all over them (a little bit like Maude, but that’ll come later), or maybe they have their hair in dreads, or if they go to the salon and get a little bit of a perm to help them look good for the bees and the butterflies to be attracted to them to help them pollinate. It’s possible that they might use hairspray, but if they want to help fight global warming, they probably would refrain from that and go “natural.”

Anyways, there’s obviously a lot to think about. And I still haven’t linked the article. Teehee. You had to read all the way to the end to get to it. Mwahahaha. Okay fine. Here it is. After I’ve filled your head with nonsense.

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