Guest Post: Someone out there is button mashing you to death

Hi all, we have a guest post today!! W00t! So exciting. So I’d like to introduce you to a good friend of mine. We help each other think up stuff to write. We have lots of fun together. To view her version of insanity, you may go here:

Today’s oh-so-important post puts together two very critical issues of our day that every single person (you and I included) faces: button mashing and dying. That’s right. You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream and button mashing and dying. (I apologize if you didn’t get that particular thought jump.) Read on to figure out what in the world is going on!

Greetings.  I am a guest.  I am contributing a post.  This is a guest post.  This post should homilize you…at least a little bit.

Have you ever considered that someone out there is trying to invent new fatalities with your life (or really, with your death)?  It’s true.  Right now, someone is button mashing you through your life and at the end, if you listen carefully, you’ll hear the “FINISH HIM/HER.”  And then what?  Well, if the button masher is any good (but really, how good can this person be?  This person is a button masher) and has something against you, your BM will probably use one of the Mortal Kombat (MK) approved finishing moves, because most of those are pretty violent and take a coordinated series of button presses to execute properly.  I assume if someone wants to use an MK approved fatality on you, that person must have a lot of pent up anger toward you.

But maybe your BM isn’t very good or doesn’t harbor some great grudge against you.  What then?  Well, I presume your BM will try and make up a fatality on the spot.  As an example, I refer you to the alt text of this comic.  Now then, those are still somewhat violent.  I assume if your BM uses one of these, your BM has a lesser grudge against you because if it was a great grudge, your BM would have taken the time to learn the coordinated series of button presses to exact maximum revenge with appropriate flair against you.  Appropriate flair is important.  Otherwise you might feel that the grudge was not so great.

Anyway, that covers two scenarios.  But how about if your BM is just an exceedingly mediocre MK player or just doesn’t care?  I believe that your BM might just allow you to old to death as a fatality.  I mean, that would be ideal for you.  At the very end, you can just old to death.  Isn’t that how everyone wants to die?  Of course, olding to death isn’t very impressive in terms of a fatality.  Maybe you would hear “OLDALITY!” at the end of the round, and well…that sounds stupid.

One more option.  In MK:A, they redid the fatality sequence in which you can Kreate-a-Fatality.  With the Kreate-a-Fatality concept of finishing moves, you have twelve opportunities, with a time constraint, to do other things ending with some last move that would apparently really be fatal.  After much discussion with Sheri herself, it seems her probable fatality will be something like colding to jawing to inflammationing to cancering to olding to death.  Um…you can ask her for the details.  And you’ll note that there aren’t twelve different items here.  That’s because I think her BM sucks and won’t be able to deal with the ever tightening time constraints to complete all twelve.  And the BM could be so bad and accidentally allow her to cannon herself to death before all the other stuff is completed.  The most mediocre player ever!  EVAR!

By the way, I’m not a big MK fan.  Soul series all the way.


3 thoughts on “Guest Post: Someone out there is button mashing you to death

  1. Pingback: Guest Post: Someone out there is button mashing you to death (via Life's Homilies) « Random moosages as I see fit.

    • Maybe you should get your brain tumor checked out. Speaking of tumors, I’m reminded of the post I have to write. And also, I have no idea. I just secretly like mine without telling the world about it. Oh, whoops. I just did.

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