Check……………………………… and Mate!

My mom recently went to Vietnam and decided to buy a couple of chess sets. I’m not sure why. She certainly didn’t know that I liked chess, bad as I am at it. But it’s a very nice set, and methinks it’s handcrafted and very sturdy looking. It’s pretty. And if you want to know why the title has so many ellipses (and probably incomplete ones too), you’ll have to read on.

Ain't they pretty?

They is pretty. Anyways. In case you couldn’t tell, they are little men. Well, the pawns are at least. I can’t say so much for the rooks and the bishops, and the knights look like men badly disguised as horses. Kind of like Nick Bottom in some performances of A Midsummer’s Night Dream.

Beware! He watcheth you.

Anyways. I’m not sure why my mom decided to cart chess sets (and these are weighty pieces–they’re made of rocks) from Vietnam to Taiwan and then from Taiwan to the United States. Granted, they’re not that big, but… still. I’m not sure why she decided to do it.

But I do like them! So she said it was worth it.

However! I am notoriously bad at chess. At least when I play with my brothers. Because of them, I no longer play board games. That’s right, it’s all their fault. But back to chess. When we were kids, my brothers (who are quite smart–I’m the dumb-dumb of the family), but specifically my dearly beloved younger brother was merciless when he played with me. (This sentence has bad sentence structure. Don’t judge me; I can’t fix it.) He would take all my pieces one by one, and slowly chase my king around the board until he had put me in checkmate.

I mean, really?!?! Do you need to do that?!!? I’m going to lose!!! I have one king to your king, queen, bishop, two rooks, two knights and five pawns. (I told you I was bad.) I mean–seriously. Is that really necessary? Alas, regardless of how much I whined (and I am an excellent whiner), he wouldn’t let me go until I was in checkmate. And this is about… how every single game we played went. Talk about traumatic childhood experiences.

Point is, I no longer play chess with my brothers. If you’re going to put me in checkmate and show off your skillz, do it in five moves. Please don’t draw it out nice and long like a medieval torturer plucking my nails out one by one while I’m hanging out on the rack. I have better things to do with my time. Thanks.

By the way, I’m going back and putting captions on all the pictures in previous posts. In case you’re interested.


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